July 30
Dear Bruce Springsteen,
I think I loused it up - the date with Kristy. I know I loused it up. Real sweet. I don't think she'd ever go out with me again. I might as well face it - when it comes to girls, I'm sad, real sad.
It wasn't all a screw-up. The movie part was all right. Even going for something to eat afterward went okay. I wasn't a dead loss for something to say like I figured I'd be. Having two other people there helped. We talked about the movie and music most of the time. I mean I probably sounded like I had a brain.
But when it came to walking her home afterward, that's where I blew it. With just the two of us, my half of the conversation dried up till it must have sounded like my tongue had a shot of novocaine or something. When we got to her house and were standing outside the back door, this was where I really must have looked cool - hardly getting a word out, nervous as hell about what I should do and when I should do it, half grinning like I had everything under control when we both knew I never did.
I was there so long not doing anything, she finally said she had to go in and she leaned over and kissed me. Hard on the mouth. It must have been like kissing a corpse, I was that stiff. Hell, I almost lost my balance.
Man, I can't believe I was that much of a jerk. I'm sure I was worse than any of those nerds you see in the movies. She must have had a good laugh for herself when she went inside. I would've if I'd been her.
But I sure as hell wasn't laughing. I was cursing myself all the way home. You wouldn't think anybody could be so dumb. I knew what to do. I practiced it in my head, every bit of it. And I knew what I felt like doing. But put me in the real situation, and I screw it up worse than if I had pasta for a brain.
Enough about that. I just want to forget about it. I thought that by getting it down on paper I'd see that maybe it wasn't so bad as I thought it was.
It was worse.
Like I said before, I don't really need a girl, anyway. Besides, I can't afford it. I'm back to being broke again. And what do I have to show for it - a look on my face worse than if I'd been sucking lemons for six months.
Forget it,
Terry
P.S. Man, I must sound to you like a real winner. Go ahead, have a laugh. I wouldn't blame you.
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